My Big, Fat Hellmouth Wedding!
by Thorn Princess
Summary: A/C Weddng*snort* Thorn comes out and plays!B/A!
1. Wedding Fun

Disclaimer: I own only that which my twisted imagination creates.

Summary: A/C wedding. Author wreaks havoc.

AN: Dreams are wacky things. **[Parentheses equal thoughts]**

_The scene is a peaceful villa in southern California, a wedding is about to begin._

_The bride is absolutely beautiful. She is gowned in white_**[yeah but she is still slutty]**_. She is Cordelia, demon seeress_.

_The groom is_ **[what the hell!]**_Angel._

**[NO! Joss can mess up everything in his world but mine is gonna be B/A and fluffy damnit!]**

_The ceremony is halfway done._

**[Not if I can help it! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!]**

{Brief scuffle between C/A author and Thorn Princess. Thorn wins!!!!}

**Ahhhhh.**

**That's better.**

**Where was the story at?**

**Oh yeah.**

**And now back to the story the way it should be! *grin***

The priest says those famous words "Speak now or forever hold your peace."

{A cricket chirps}

"I now pronounce you man and…"

"Stop!" All look toward the back of the church at Buffy, flanked by Willow, Tara, Anya, and Dawn.

"Huh?"

"Stop!" Buffy said.

"In the name of love!" Her gal pals harmonized.

**Alright that's enough singing. We don't want another musical.**

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww."

**No whining!**

"I object to this union!" Buffy said dramatically.

"On what grounds?" Cordelia was not a happy camper. "Hey! Could you maybe stop insulting me for a minute?"

**Shut up Barbie.**

"No!"

{Thorn tapes Cordy's mouth shut}

**Now you can either be nice and end up with someone good, OR YOU CAN END UP WITH JONATHAN!!!!!!!**

{Cordelia smiles and nods.}

**Good.**

"I object because I love him!" Buffy declared.

"Gasp!"

{Buffy kneels with ring.}

"Angel will you marry me?" Buffy asked.

"YES!"

{Thorn dances with glee. Then suddenly a helicopter arrives. Faith, Drusilla, Spike, Gunn, Wesley, Xander, Doyle, and Giles hop out.}

"Good lord! That is the last time I fly in an American helicopter!" Wesley and Giles exclaimed in union.

"The crazy chick definitely ain't drivin' on the return trip." Gunn said.

"Miss Sunshine wants her tea." Dru murmured.

"Shut up about the damn dog!" Faith raged.

Doyle said-

"Wait up. I thought Doyle was dead." Willow was confused.

He's not in my world chickie 

"Thanks." Doyle said.

**No prob.**

Xander and Doyle simultaneously asked where the food was.

Spike cursed.

"OH NO! We don't have a minister to perform the marriage." Buffy panicked.

"Have no fear!" Faith cried, "I'm an ordained minister over the Internet!"

"Since when?"

"Since the writer realized the huge plot hole and decided to use lil'ol'me."

It was either her or Spike. And it wasn't a huge plot hole! 

"Mmmm-Hmmm. Just keep telling yourself that." Faith said sarcastically.

.

Faith was the minister.

Wesley, Xander, Doyle, and Gunn were the groom's men.

Anya, Tara, Willow, and Dawn were the bridesmaids.

Spike was the ringbearer.

Drusilla was the flower girl.

Lorne was DJ.

And Giles gave the bride away.

Everything was great until rabid gnomes started biting people's ankles.

But what did you expect?

This is a Hellmouth after all:}

**Should I do a sequel?**

"OH DEAR GOD NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" All characters cry.

Shut Up! 

**Review. Please.** ***Smiles***


	2. Honeymoon

Disclaimer: I wish I owned it. I don't. I choose to sulk.* pouts* Okay sulk is done. Now on to the story.*grin*

Summary: Sequel to Hellmouth wedding. Thorn takes on psychotic B/S and C/A 'shippers. It is just plain wrong people.

AN: I am crazy. Please don't hold it against me.

[Thorn doing gopher dance and singing]

I'm all right

Nobody worry 'bout me

Why you got to give me a fight

Why can't you just let it be?

Go me! I vanquish evil people who don't like B/A. I mock them. I laugh in their stupid B/S {Bull Sh*t!} and A/C {Awful Crap!} faces! Nyah nyah!

"Ummm Thorn?"

Yes Willow?

"Shouldn't there actually be a plot?"

Spoil my fun. Alright, here's your bloody plot. Now go and be happy.

"Okay, thanks."

Hmmmmmmm.

"Excuse me!"

What Cordelia*groans*?

"You said if I was good I'd end up with someone good."

Fine, you get Doyle.

"What about-."

YOU DARE TO QUESTION ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Okay"

Lalalala. Oooooh! Plot! The Honeymoon!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Xander panics.

For the love of [fill in blank] What?

"Honeymoon equals badness, remember Angelus?"

It's okay Xand, remember keeping it clean for the kiddies?

"Thank you."

No problem. Now shut the hell up!

_The scene is [where else?] Hawaii. The newlyweds have brought along the whole gang._

"Even Dru and I?"

"Don't forget Miss Edith Spike my sweet."

Yes they friggin' brought you. Next person other than Angel who talks gets staked.

"But we're human. Besides it's not fair to punish us and not Angel."

You'd be surprised at how many things a stake will kill, Xander. Besides, I never said I wouldn't hurt Angel.

"What are you going to do to him?"

Maim him. I have serious issues with him at the moment.

"*Gulp*" Angel is green.

"That's a bit sadistic, love." Spike is disturbed and intrigued.

I'm evil. Deal with it.

_They are all out on the beach._

"That could be a problem. Remember sun=crispy critters."

**FINE!**

"Thanks."

It is well after dark. People are dancing together. Willow and Tara, Anya and Xander, Gunn and Faith, Spike and Dru, Doyle and Cordelia, and, of course, Buffy and Angel are the dancers. Giles, Wesley, Lorne, and Dawn look on.

"This is so romantic." Buffy sighed. 

"Anything for you sweetheart." Angel said.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww:} 


End file.
